


The Chains That Hold Me

by Babybucky1943



Category: Marvel associated, Political Animals
Genre: 51 seconds of Sebastian acting like a brat (RachelGettingMarried, Aggression, Baby Sebastian, Baby TJ, Blame Walter, Cuddling, Diaper wearing/changing/wetting, Drug Use, Filming, Gay boys flirting, Gen, Language, M/M, Political animals can be blamed too, Rehab, Withdrawal, anxiety on set, vomiting/nausea
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-13
Updated: 2020-02-19
Packaged: 2020-05-02 13:24:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 14,836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19199725
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Babybucky1943/pseuds/Babybucky1943
Summary: THIS STORY is not getting abandoned. I just need to figure out where it’s going with my friend. In the meantime, please feel free to message me! Tumblr: buckysbabe29This story was inspired by the first fifty one seconds of the movie Rachel Getting Married and the six part series of Political Animals.Sebastian Stan does not do drugs. I just like the name Sebastian better than Walter. TJ Hammond however....😏





	1. Caught

**Author's Note:**

> This is the result of two fertile minds and one Baby Sebastian being a brat! LokiLaufeyson88 is the BEST!!! She kept giving me ideas.  
> Constructive criticism is accepted. I have never done drugs so any inaccuracies are Google’s fault.

Sebastian Stan sat in his room, rocking back and forth slightly. It wasn’t even nine in the morning. He wanted a drag so bad!

He twisted one finger in his hair, tugging gently.He’d been awake for two fucking hours. He felt fuzzy and out of it. He squirmed a bit. The diaper he was forced to wear was wet. Dammit all! He’d lost his unsupervised toilet privileges three days ago because he’d broken the rules. He never thought he’d think of this as a privilege. He didn’t have much choice but to wet himself. It didn’t help that he was on IV every few hours to help with the withdrawal. If he didn’t get the meds he was a mess. Aggressive, anxious and unable to function. Not to mention the vomiting. One side effect of the meds and vitamin water was a need to pee more and, boy, did he! He had been in the fucking bathroom every hour between pissing and puking! 

He’d been so angry the night they forced him to come here. He hated rehab!! 

When he’d been in there for the third time the first night, he’d discovered his lighter in his pocket. Sitting there on the floor after puking his guts out, he stared oddly at the roll of toilet paper then casually lit the roll on fire. 

He almost laughed at the memory of the chaos he’d caused. Hadn’t done too much damage. Regardless, he’d lost his Zippo. He didn’t care. He destroyed the bathroom the second night during a bad bout of withdrawal and lost his toilet privileges.He frowned. 

He hadn’t ever intended to get addicted.

It had started simply enough with a few steroids to help him bulk up for his Bucky role.The day he’d walked on set and seen Chris Evans’ pipes, he had lost confidence.Steroids had seemed like a good answer at the time. 

Then, a few weeks later, his supplier had slipped him a little weed when he’d been really stressed one day.

One thing led to another and that’s how it happened.

He wished he’d never gone to that last stupid party six months ago. The host had given him his first line of cocaine. He’d told himself no, but it had felt so good that a couple days later, when he was depressed and angry, he’d gotten more.

His mind skipped back four days. He couldn’t believe Downey had snitched on him and he was stuck here now.

Looking back, he wondered for a moment how he’d ended up here, like this.

He knew Downey’s past; not like RDJ was really secretive about it, so he’d been avoiding him every time he snorted coke or smoked a joint. He thought he’d been pretty sneaky.

Now, here he was, with everyone he was close to, angry at him.

His manager had reamed him out but good; tore him a new ass and told him he was lucky that RDJ had privately put him in rehab without spilling it to the papers.

His mom had given him what for too. She’d been so mad and really he didn’t blame her.He did know better. He was beyond frustrated that they’d called her though. He was an adult. He didn’t need his mama to talk for him.

Not to mention the film directors and producers. He hadn’t been talked to by them yet. That was happening soon. They were in the middle of filming Civil War.

Why had he done it? He didn’t know. Hell, he’d been telling kids at cons all over, don’t do drugs, because they looked up to Bucky Barnes. What a hypocrite he’d turned out to be! He’d just wanted to compete a little with Hemmy and Evans. The paparazzi had started noticing he was bulking up and he was in the headlines with the other two. 

Unfortunately, stardom was fickle and the paps also loved seeing celebs fall. They always blazoned it across the front page like celebrities making mistakes was some huge deal. 

Seb had learned the hard way, though, that celebrities weren’t really allowed to make human mistakes.

He’d made his share of blunders but nothing that he couldn’t live down. 

This though.... If the papers got this, it would get spread around everywhere. So, for that, yeah, he was thankful that RDJ hadn’t made it public. 

He blinked when a ray of morning sunshine seeped through the cheap blinds, hitting him directly in the face. It hurt his eyes. Everything hurt, actually. He’d swear even his hair hurt!

That could be, however, because he kept pulling it when his withdrawal got to the point where he wanted to scream. It was getting there fast. The meds from last night had worn off. That was the problem. They gave him the meds and he had to pee every hour and then they wore off and he was puking. 

The nausea had settled some in the last day or so; so that he wasn’t throwing up every few minutes when the meds timed out. 

He twisted his index finger into his long dark locks absently and gritted his teeth. He hated the nausea and the shakes, the restlessness, being so tired he couldn’t stay awake and then not being able to sleep when he lay down. Even the mental incapacity to try and form coherent thought was frustrating. 

He wanted to be dry and satisfied. However it was backwards. His mouth was dry, his ass was wet. He pounded a fist onto the metal bed frame. “I need someone!” He yelled. 

His bladder was spasming again. He had held out almost as long as possible. He could either let go willingly or his body would do it for him shortly.He walked to the open door of his room. “I need to pee!” He called plaintively. 

Lea, a patient from across the hall smiled cockily. “Poor Sebastian. You set fire to the bathroom and now you can’t go without a nanny.”

He threw his empty water jug at her, purposely missing her head by inches; making her scream and duck. 

One of his regular therapists came into view. “It’s too early for your shenanigans, you two. Come Sebastian. I’ll take you for a pee break.”

Michelle grabbed a package of wipes and a pair of hospital issued cotton briefs. 

Seb followed her to the bathroom holding his crotch tightly and shuffling. 

She locked the door behind her and pulled his pants down. “You’re pretty wet. I’ll wipe you off and then you can pee.”

He was having trouble standing still. “I gotta go,” he grunted, grabbing his dick and rolling his hips to maintain control. 

Michelle gave him a quick wipe. “Okay. Go pee.”

He turned his back to her and let go into the toilet with a satisfied sigh. Once his bladder was empty, she gave him the underwear. “Put these on.”

He was trembling now with the force of withdrawal. “I need a smoke,” he said softly. 

“You can have a regular cigarette if you wish,” Michelle said, handing him clean cotton pants. 

He put them on and followed her back to his room where he curled up on the bed, pulling at his hair. “You know what I mean.” 

“I can’t let you have marijuana.” Her voice was calm and firm. 

“Let me have a fucking smoke!!!” He yelled, throwing himself off the hospital bed and stalking to the door. “I need a damn smoke!!!!” He whipped around facing Michelle. 

She ignored him, picking up the trash he’d left on the bed earlier. 

He banged the door open, as hard as he could, clanging the heavy steel knob against the door stopper. 

Michelle didn’t even turn around. 

Since he couldn’t make the staff react, he wanted to escape. To run. 

It didn’t do any good to leave the room though. Security wouldn’t allow him to leave this area. Other than the six patient rooms, there was a tv room, a visiting room, and a small library.

“Fuck!!” He screamed.

“Shut up, Sebastian!” Lea snapped.

“Piss off,” Seb tossed back immediately.

Michelle came to the door. “Sebastian, take a deep breath.” 

“No!” He screamed. 

Mike, another regular therapist on the ward came towards him. “What’s the problem, buddy?”

Seb scowled deeply at him. “Fuck off!!” He tore at his hair again. “You hear me?? FUCK OFF!!”

“Shut the fuck up!” Lea screamed, glaring at him from her room.

Sebastian only hesitated a second. “Take your own advice!” He sneered.

Mike turned him around and they led him further into his room until he couldn’t see Lea any longer. 

“You are only responsible for your own actions. What are your actions saying right now, Sebastian?” Mike asked. 

He clenched his jaw, twisting out of Mike’s light hold. His chest was heaving as he fought for control. “I. Need. Something. I’m going crazy!”

“Use your words,” Michelle said, touching his shoulder lightly to get his attention. “What do you need?”

He was having a hard time focusing and he HATED when they made him do this. Hated it so much when they made him think it through when he COULDN’T! He flailed his arms out behind him and rushed forward three steps before stopping. 

“Uungh!!!” He groaned, pulling at his shirt. It felt too tight right now. He finally yanked at it, tearing it slightly. He spun and stomped to the window, staring out at the quiet street. Raising a fist, he let it fall gently against the shatter proof glass, feeling tears heat his eyelids. He didn’t want to cry. 

Both therapists waited patiently. 

He pulled in several deep breaths. “I need a drip. Please.” He popped the ‘p’ sarcastically but she smiled.

“Thank you for using your words.” Michelle went to the locked cabinet in the hallway and got supplies.

Mike smiled. “I’ll be back in half an hour to give you a bathroom break.”

Sebastian made a face before grabbing his trash can as his stomach turned on him,dry heaving into it. Damn nausea!! 

When Michelle came back, she closed his door, sliding the bedside table closer to his bed and put the plastic wrapped package down.

Seb took a deep breath, swiping his arm across his mouth as he dropped the garbage can back in its place. “Ugh!” He glanced at the package and then scowled darkly.

She slipped on latex gloves. “Arm.”

“I don’t want the drink.”

He came back and held out his left arm for the meds that would steady him and help him relax. He was not eager for the poke. They always seemed to find the most sensitive spot. He hated needles so much!

She put his arm on the table then rubbed antiseptic wash on the inside of his forearm. “Deep breath,” she instructed.

He took a breath but still grunted when she threaded the needle into his vein, waiting till she saw blood in the tube before removing the needle. “Ow!”

She wrapped a few pieces of tape over it then threw the trash away. “I know. Quick drink for me, sweetie.”

“C’mon ‘Chelle,” he protested, moving quickly to get up. “I don’t need it. Not thirsty.”

“I think you probably do,” she said, removing the seal on the bottle of vitamin water.

“It makes me pee,” he growled.

“It also helps you get through your withdrawal faster.” Michelle reasoned.

He sighed.

She popped the sanitary cap on a bottle of vitamin water. “Drink up.”

“Not thirsty.” He said stubbornly.

“Sebastian.” Her voice was firm.

He took the bottle, tipping it up and drinking it down as fast as he could. He didn’t like the taste of this stuff either.

As soon as the bottle was empty, Michelle patted his shoulder and left him alone.

The small bag of IV meds only took about fifteen minutes.

He felt his aggression settle down as the drip finished. The headache and nausea had finally subsided for a few hours.

He was left alone with his thoughts while the light pink fluid slowly dripped into him.

So...he’d sort of trashed the bathroom his second night here after setting fire to it the first night with his lighter because it was the one place he’d been left alone and he’d been mad. Mad at RDJ, mad at being caught, mad at the unfairness of the whole damn thing. Mad at himself mostly, if he was honest.

So, because he’d made a choice to destroy hospital property, he was supervised in the fucking bathroom, and wore diapers when he wasn’t.


	2. Consequences

When the drip was done, Michelle came back and took the IV out. 

He hissed at the pain, but didn’t say anything. He did feel better and for the next two hours it would be good. Till about lunch time. Then he’d have to put up with an hour of hell before he could have another drip. 

“Mike will be here in ten minutes or so to take you for a pee break.”

“Don’t have to go,” he growled.

She just looked at him. “Do I need to remind you what happens if you don’t?”

Seb stared at the floor, studying the small gray and gold flecks on the white background. “If I pee my pants I have ta wear diapers all the time till I can choose to behave,” he quoted sullenly. 

She nodded. “You want me to get Mike?”

“Fine!” He jutted out his lower lip in a scowl. 

Michelle trashed the stuff from his IV and then left the room. 

Sebastian jiggled his leg as the need to pee became worse. Literally ten minutes after drinking the water he had to go and it was always at least half an hour. He knew how to hold it; it wasn’t that. He’d held it on set sometimes for six or seven hours but not like this where the stuff made your bladder feel overfull right away. 

The male nurse was there in the promised ten minutes. “Okay buddy. Potty break.”

He waited for Sebastian to adjust to the sudden dizziness he got when he stood up, steadying the brunette.

Seb grabbed at his crotch again. Leaking while he was diapered was one thing. The cotton pants hid nothing. He squeezed himself for a moment till the urge passed. 

“You good?” Mike asked with concern. 

Sebastian nodded. “Let’s just go.”

Lea stuck her tongue out at him as he left his room.

He scowled and wagged his middle finger at her. He gave a satisfied smirk when she looked scandalized. Sebastian followed Mike to the bathroom, fidgeting as 

Mike unlocked the bathroom door. “Hurry up!”

Mike motioned him in turning the light on. “Go, bud. Don’t pee yourself.”

Seb turned his back on him, dropping his hospital pj pants and underwear to his ankles quickly. His underwear had a small damp spot even though he’d hurried. 

With a sigh, he peed, then pulled his pants up again.

“Whoa,” Mike said softly. “Is your underwear wet?”

“No!” Seb wailed immediately. He would NOT be put in diapers! No way!!! 

“Wash,” Mike said, letting the issue go.

Sebastian gave him a look. “I will!” He washed his hands.

When he finally dried his hands, Mike checked his watch. “We have an hour. You wanna have craft time? Or go to the library?”

“I wanna go outside,” Sebastian whined.

“That’s not a choice,” Mike said flatly.

Seb growled. He hated choices. “Sebastian is that your choice? Make a choice Sebastian,” he muttered half under his breath. “Library.” He said, louder before sticking his tongue out at Mike.

The nurse ignored the rude gesture and took him to the small library. “You can take one book back to your room.”

Seb took his time, going through the self help books but nothing appealed to him at all.“This library SUCKS!” He burst out, angrily shoving several books to the floor.

Mike took his arm and led him out. “That behaviour isn’t allowed. You know that.”

“Fuck it!” Sebastian spat at him. 

“That’s enough,” Mike said firmly. “If you can’t behave you’ll be put in solitary.”

“What’s solitary?” Sebastian asked. 

Mike gave him a strange look and shook his head. “Figure it out, big guy. I’m on weight room duty now. Behave.”

He was put back in his room where he paced restlessly.

He lay a hefty punch into the punching bag that was tethered to the wall. The meds only brought peace for a short while. His aggression was always the first thing to come back.

He felt tears sting his eyes at the mess his life was, at the moment.

The drugs and the weed had messed him up bad. He’d just wanted to be able to compete without the stress killing him. Somehow he’d gotten so tangled up in needing the drugs, he’d lost sight of where he wanted to be.

He wondered what Downey had told the rest of the cast. It didn’t help that they’d been in the middle of filming either. It had been such a long day and he’d snuck to his trailer to inhale a line. Just something quick to get him through.He had felt like he couldn’t cope. Coke was better than weed so he’d been hiding it in his trailer.

Unknown to him, RDJ had been suspicious, followed him and seen the whole thing. He’d confronted Seb privately an hour later and told him he was either going to rehab or he was going to call the cops and charge him with illegal possession.

Angry beyond words but knowing he’d brought it on himself, he told Downey he’d rather do rehab.

There had been little fuss. His manager had stayed with him the rest of the filming day to make sure he didn’t do it again, and after they were done, he was taken to the local Grace Rehab centre and his manager had checked him in. That was a four days ago.

The last few days had been chaotic. The withdrawal was hell. He wasn’t normally this angry but he’d been experiencing massive aggression especially when he felt pushed.

He was worried about his career and that anxiety coupled with the anxiety that the withdrawal induced, put him at basket case level most of the time.

The Russo brothers were coming to talk to him soon about finishing the film while in rehab. Because he had a pretty major part in the film, they couldn’t replace him. 

Sebastian couldn’t help the tears that fell. His emotions were as twisted right now as the rest of him. He pounded on the punching bag for a few more minutes then sat in the middle of the floor, head in his hands.

“Hey,” Michelle said, opening his door all the way. “You’ve got company. Come on down to the visiting room.”

He looked up, quickly swiping at his eyes. “Shit.”

“You need a minute?” She asked.

He shrugged.“Who’s here?”

“The film directors.”

“Dammit!” He whispered. His heart started slamming against his ribs. 

He’d worked with the Russo boys on The Winter Soldier and  now they were filming Civil War.

Seb had  been their golden boy, doing whatever they asked him to without even batting an eyelash.

He knew Joe Russo didn’t mince words and he was pretty sure he was going to get thoroughly raked over again. Didn’t help that he was overtired.

He ran a hand through his hair and swiped at his face to remove any left over tears.

Lea was sitting inside her door. “Crybaby.” She taunted, looking at him smugly.

He narrowed his eyes, growling.

Michelle looked at him. “Let’s keep moving.”

He hesitantly walked into the visiting room and sat on a chair, twiddling nervously with his hair and staring at his knees. 

A nurse he’d never seen was stationed at the door, in case he got violent. Probably a good thing. He wasn’t feeling all that stable.

Joe looked at him with a calculating gaze. “What did you think was going to happen, Sebastian? You thought no one was going to find out?”

Seb let his gaze follow the wrinkle in his cotton pants along his thigh. He wrapped the faded yellow string around his index finger tightly until it cut into the skin on his knuckle. He was already feeling defensive. He tried to breathe and not look at Joe’s face. He shrugged one shoulder. 

The silence grew awkward.

“You need to talk,” Joe said finally. 

Sebastian shrugged again before mumbling. “ ‘m sorry. I didn’t mean to make trouble.”

Anthony shook his head and sighed. “You certainly did though. You’ve made quite a mess.” 

Seb glanced up at the two directors. He was feeling the nausea coming back and definitely didn’t want to puke in front of them! 

Anthony looked at Joe and seemed to be telepathically passing a message to him.

Seb felt a nervous panic settle into his gut, making the nausea worse. He swallowed convulsively. He was going to lose his job! 

Joe studied Sebastian for a few more minutes. “What do you want to do now? What are our options here? Are you done with Marvel?”

Sebastian gave him an anxious, panicked look. “No! Please! It was a mistake!” His voice was overly loud and he fought the desire to burst into tears. A few did slip down his cheeks anyway and he ducked his head trying to sniffle silently. 

Joe gave him a few minutes. “You’ve got permission to come shoot your scenes over the next few months but you’re going to be supervised.”

Sebastian nodded slightly. “Thank you,” he mumbled, voice low. He hiccuped loudly and knew he was gonna puke. He swallowed hard. 

Joe tented his fingers. “But if you ever pull this shit again, you’re done. Your career is over. Got that?”

Seb bit back more tears and nodded again. His anger burned along with feeling about three inches tall but he didn’t say anything. 

Anthony’s voice was gentler. “Robert begged us to give you another chance to let you stay on cast. He knows what it’s like.”

His head was throbbing and the anxiety over fucking this up was making the need to vomit sit in his throat, making speech impossible. Why would Downey care? He was sweating profusely. 

Joe was talking quietly to Anthony and then said, “Someone will be around to pick you up Saturday at seven.”

Sebastian gave a short nod, glad when they stood to leave. 

As soon as they’d gone, the nurse gently touched his shoulder.

Seb threw his hand off grabbing for the trash can. He heaved up the little that was in his stomach. When he could talk again he croaked, “Leave me alone!”

The guy didn’t react. “Hey buddy, I’m Dusty. Right now, it’s lunch time. C’mon. I’ll walk you down.”

Sebastian wasn’t hungry but mealtimes were non negotiable.

Dusty took him to the table for wing four, his wing. He sat down across from Lea and scowled at her. 

He didn’t like being in the crowded cafeteria with the other patients. It was noisy and he hated it. There were at least ten nurses trying tokeep things under control. 

His table included himself, Lea, Toby, Chase, Rose, and Dane. Rose was the quietest person ever. In the four days he’d been here he’d never heard her speak. Dane was friendly enough. Lea, Toby and Chase; he could have done without! They made fun of actors  continuously! 

Sebastian wasn’t sure what was so stupid about being an actor but apparently the three of them had a vendetta against anyone who was successful on stage. 

He was given his plateful of colourless food and he poked at it listlessly. He was hungry but nauseous too. It was a stupid combination.

Lea was making rude gestures at him. “Sebastian, you ever heard of Levi Jones?” Her voice grated on his nerves and he ignored her. The name sounded familiar but he didn’t care at the moment. 

“Sebastian!” She snapped her fingers in his face. 

He ignored her, trying not to melt down. He was so tired. He yawned and leaned his cheek on his elbow on the table.

“Hey, Bas,” Chase taunted. “Saw you had a visit from the Russo boys today!You some dumb actor too? You musta really fucked up!” He laughed raucously. “You’re such a pretty boy, just like Levi was.” He reached out to touch Sebastian’s long hair.

“Shut the fuck up,” Seb hissed, slapping his hand away. “And don’t call me that. My name is Sebastian.”

“He fucked up by taking drugs!” Lea piped up, putting heavy sarcasm behind her words.

“Oh, poor little Sebastian,” Toby joined in. “Poor pretty baby couldn’t act so you took drugs?!”

“You actors all think you’re above the law till you end up here,” Chase snarled. 

“I’ll punch your fucking mouth, asshole!” Sebastian yelled, getting to his feet. He took a swing at his mockers.

He was immediately restrained by Dusty who held him firmly until he was seated again. “Eat your lunch. Toby, Chase, be quiet.” The nurse stood beside him, arms crossed, watching the instigators.

“Not hungry,” Seb growled, biting back angry tears.

Toby, Lea and Chase laughed. 

He jabbed his plastic fork into the small pile of lettuce and shredded carrot on his plate, willing the tears in his eyes to go away and the lump in his throat to ease. He ate the salad then drained his glass of water. “I wanna go back to my room. Please,” he added as an afterthought. He had a massive headache. 

Dusty called Michelle over who was on duty for wing four. 

She took Seb out of the noisy room. “You want a nap? You look tired.”

He was tired.“I can’t sleep though.”

“I’ll give you something to help you sleep.” Michelle grabbed a syringe, a small vial of sedative and his withdrawal drip meds from behind the front desk and a diaper from the hall cabinet.

Seb sighed before sitting on his bed. “Do I have to wear a diaper? I don’t want to.” He hiccuped as the salad tried to exit. 

“You good?” She asked, pausing. 

He nodded hesitantly, trying not to open his mouth. 

She went back to the job at hand and swabbed his arm. “Poke.” He winced and then whimpered when the IV was painful going in. 

She rubbed his back for a minute. “You’re so tired.” 

When she got the vitamin water he shook his head. “Don’t want that.”

“Be a good boy,” she pleaded, opening it. 

He looked at her, his blue eyes full of unshed tears. “Kay.” He drank it down, then had to keep swallowing as his stomach tried to push it out. “The nausea is bad, huh?” She asked softly, trying not to be swayed by his puppy dog eyes. 

He nodded, motioning quickly to the trash can. 

She handed it to him even while he tried to keep everything down. 

She prepared the syringe. “Your drip will be done in a few minutes. Why don’t you lay down?” 

He lay on his back closing his eyes. It did ease the nausea and headache some. He started to relax, letting the trash can sit at his side.

Several minutes later, she rubbed his arm gently. “All done. Quick pinch.” She removed the IV.“On your belly. I gotta give you the sedative.”

He rolled over and felt her work his pants down. He was feeling better now but the cold swab on his ass cheek still made him jump.

Michelle put a steadying hand on his lower back. “Little pinch.”

The needle didn’t hurt as much as he expected. He rolled over again, pulling his pants into place.

She opened the diapering package. 

“I don’t want a diaper,” he protested again. 

“This will knock you out for a few hours. We don’t need a wet bed.” The snap of the latex gloves made him flinch but he lifted his hips so she could pull his pants down.

Once the diaper was on snugly, and his pants were back in place, Michelle left, closing his door.

It didn’t take long before the edges of fuzzy grayness swept slowly over his thoughts and shut down the chaos. He welcomed the peaceful drugged rest and let himself drift into a dreamless sleep.


	3. Nightmare

Sebastian fought his way out of his drugged sleep frantically, straining to escape the nightmare that had chased him to awaken. His heavy eyelids finally obeyed and he opened his eyes, completely disoriented. He tried to remember why he was in bed with the late afternoon sunlight pouring in. 

His erratic breathing started to calm. Striving to dispel the strange dream shadows of frightening men in masks, Seb brushed a hand across his face. 

The dream had been so real. It had set his heart to pounding. 

It came back to him slowly, scary masks, long reaching arms; and him, unable to run or escape. It was always something freaky. The doctor had told him he had anxiety.  No shit!! Frowning, he reached down to scratch himself but instead a mess of soggy padding met his fingers. 

Frustrated that they had diapered him, he sat up and then groaned as a sudden headache pounded into his skull. “Ow!” He whined softly.

Again, the nausea came and he grabbed desperately for the trash can as his stomach contents came up. He gagged, trying to breathe, struggling to hold his bladder when his abdomen squeezed hard to expel more vomit. 

When he could breathe again, he sat back, heaving in a shuddering breath. Fresh, hot wetness had seeped into the already wet diaper when he had retched. The strange images from the dream wouldn’t melt away, making him feel panicky. 

Without warning, he started to cry softly. He felt like his world was falling apart and everything was off. 

He swiped at the tears with his hands but more kept falling. He couldn’t even say for sure why he was crying. 

The jumble of thoughts feeding his tears was hazy but he knew it had something to do with the nightmare. 

The emotional roller coaster slowed some when Mike showed up. “Hey, Sebastian. You wanna go outside for a bit?” 

Seb scrubbed at his wet eyes. “Yeah.” 

Mike dropped the familiar package on his bedside table, snapping on the gloves. “Sorry, bud, I know how much you hate getting changed.” He pulled Sebastian’s pants down and ripped open the wipes. “Did you have a nice sleep?” 

Seb yawned. “Had a bad dream.” 

Mike clucked sympathetically. “What did you dream about?” He lifted Sebastian’s bottom to slide the wet diaper out. 

“Scary guys,” he mumbled. He wasn’t in the mood to elaborate. His brain wasn’t anywhere near functioning level. He jerked involuntarily at the coolness of the wipes against his warm skin. 

“Little cold,” Mike apologized. He wiped him thoroughly and bagged the wet diaper. “You need to use the bathroom before we go out?” He handed Sebastian the briefs. 

The brunette slid them up, sitting up slowly and rubbing his sleep addled head. “Uhh, I dunno.” He gave a small sob. “I had an accident when I threw up.”

Mike trashed the garbage and handed him a pair of sweats and a T-shirt to wear outside. “It’s okay buddy. Relax. Lets go have a pee and then we can go sit in the sun for a bit.” 

Sebastian whined at that but followed Mike to the bathroom. 

His head still ached and he was incredibly dizzy. He sat down to avoid toppling. Fortunately, his bladder was being cooperative. When he was done, he pulled his pants up. 

“I’ll get you a painkiller,” Mike said. “You’re not due for another drip till after dinner.”

The painkillers were strong but for Sebastian they aggravated his aggression. Everything was annoying. 

Therefore, Seb was unaccountably angry when Lea joined them. “What’s SHE doing here??” He snarled, raising a hand to push her. 

Mike put a steadying hand on his shoulder. “Having outside time. Same as you. Remember. No hands zone.”

Sebastian pouted and folded his arms, squinting in the direct sunlight. He liked being outside but not with Lea! She was fucking annoying!! 

At least Chase and Toby weren’t outside too! It made him think of Levi. “Mike, who is Levi Jones?”

Lea glared at him. 

Mike stopped walking. “Levi was a patient here a few years ago. Maybe about eight years actually.”

Sebastian frowned at Lea’s threatening gestures. “What happened to him?”

They walked to one of the benches that sat in the expanse of uniformly mowed grass. It was peaceful out here.

Mike looked torn. “Well, I’m not really at liberty to discuss it.”

Lea changed the subject to talk about makeup of all things! 

Mike talked to her with a slight smile on his face. 

Sebastian brooded for a few minutes then zeroed in on Lea when she got a cigarette out. “Mike, you got a lighter?”

Mike nodded, pulling out Sebastian’s zippo!

“Hey!” He cried. “That’s mine!” He reached for the lighter. “Can I have my zippo back? Please?” Technically, the lighter was  his . 

“Sebastian you know I can’t do that,” Mike said calmly, turning to him. “Damaging property is a behaviour that isn’t allowed. You know that.”

This irked the recovering actor so much that he snapped. “Gimme my fuckin’ zippo. NOW!!” 

“Sorry, bud.” Mike looked apologetic. “Can’t do-” His phone rang and he answered. 

Sebastian yanked at his hair in frustration, squeezing his eyes shut to maintain control.  He rocked forward, pulling his hair and whining softly. 

Lea turned to him with a superior air. “You’re not getting your lighter back, Bassy, because you’re going to set the bathroom on fire. Again.” 

Sebastian stopped moving and glowered in her direction. Usually his smoulder made people back off. “My name is  _SEBASTIAN_ and Lea, have you snuck any  knives lately?” He wanted to rile her up if possible. He leaned over Mike to sneer in Lea’s face and hopefully push his middle finger right into her eye but Mike pushed him back into his space gently with his arm while trying to converse with his caller. “Who ya gonna stab next?” He asked viciously. 

She looked at him coolly then lit up her cigarette with his lighter, giving him a smile. To add insult to injury, she tucked it back in Mike’s pocket. 

Seb flipped her off, slowly waving his finger at her and then turned his back. 

Mike ended his call and patted Seb’s knee. “What choice are you making? Please think it through.” 

“I don’t want to be making anymore stupid choices!” He cried, spinning back and trying to hit Mike with his arm. 

Mike held him firmly. “Sebastian.” There was a firmness in his voice now. “Settle down.”

Sebastian felt his rage break through the barrier of self control. The haze of aggression spurred him into action. He started to run. 

Mike immediately called for back up. “Sebastian! Stop!” 

Seb threw handfuls of grass and rocks at him until he was tackled by a security guard. 

He screamed every foul word he could think of, kicking and biting at his captor. 

Mike had handed Lea over to someone else and came now to Sebastian. “Buddy. What’s going on?”

Seb was half crying, half screaming. He couldn’t seem to stop. He wanted to be left alone! And he had to pee! He tried to get the words out but his body wouldn’t cooperate.

“Wanna! Be! Alone!” He sobbed finally, fully restrained by two guards. He cried harder when hot wetness seeped into his pants and down his legs. 

“If I take you into your room, you have to calm down,” Mike said firmly. 

Sebastian nodded, breathing hard, his blue eyes awash with tears and wordlessly begging Mike to make him feel better. 

Mike took his arm. “Come on. It’s dinner time. Let’s get you changed.”

Seb glanced down at himself, his pants were soaked. He recalled what Michelle had said this morning. “Please no diapers...?” He trailed off unhappily.

“You know the rules, bud.” Mike sighed. “I think a diaper would be good till we get this aggression under control. “I think it’s probably the meds you’re on.”

“Noooo!” Seb cried tossing his head back. “Don’t wanna!” 

“Just for a couple days. We’re gonna switch your meds a little bit.” Mike took him to his room, grabbing a diaper package and clean pants.

Sebastian fidgeted uncomfortably while Mike diapered him. “What if the others see?” He whined. 

“They won’t. Let’s go have dinner,” Mike smiled. “You behave or you’ll be losing more privileges.” 

“I’m being framed!” He grumbled. “It’s Lea’s fault!”

“You can only control your own actions and make your own choices,” Mike reminded him.

Sebastian rolled his eyes. “Yeah, I know!” Mike didn’t need to remind him every five fucking seconds! 

If Lea was gonna be stupid, he was making a choice to make her life miserable. 

 


	4. The Boy in 402

* * *

Sebastian sat at the table, poking at his roast beef. His mind was busy with his current Lea problem. 

He was distracted when a voice came over the intercom. “Wing four staff. Your immediate attention is required in room 402.”

Sebastian looked up as Mike, Dusty and Michelle all hurried out of the room, leaving a random nurse in charge of their table. 

Room 402 was beside his room. It had been Rose’s room till yesterday. She’d been released. Was there someone new?

Lea also looked interested. “We must be getting a new druggie in,” she laughed. 

Sebastian frowned. “Are you always this annoying?”

She stuck her tongue out at him. “You’re more annoying!”

He rolled his eyes dramatically and put a piece of meat in his mouth. 

Dusty came back in a few minutes later and stood by their table again. 

“New addict?” Lea asked immediately.

Dusty smiled. “How’s your dinner?”

Lea pouted. “It’s somebody you can’t talk about!”

Dusty nodded. “You know the drill, Lea. You’ve been here often enough.”

She sighed. 

Seb looked from Lea to Dusty. “Somebody special?”

Chase snorted. “Celebrity.”

Toby rolled his eyes. “Another fucking ‘special’ patient?” He sneered sarcastically, making air quotes with his index fingers.

Sebastian clued in. “Oh.” Had they made fun of him like this the night he’d come in? The first night he’d been allowed to stay in his room because the withdrawal was horrid. 

He finished his water and pushed his food around on his plate. He wasn’t really very hungry. He carefully dissected a couple of pieces of broccoli and hid them under his meat. 

He stopped what he was doing, suddenly aware of his body’s lack of control again. Damn! He had to pee. He sure as hell wasn’t saying anything in front of Lea or Chase! If he could just stay dry then he could go back to underwear. How hard could it be?

He fidgeted a little, forgetting about the new celebrity and making his plate look at least half eaten. 

He ate a few peas off the pile of overcooked vegetables. He did not want to be made fun of over this. His bladder was weak from all the withdrawal and the medications. It was a possible side effect, he’d been told. 

Lea was talking about the new person in their wing again; trying to surreptitiously get information.   


Dusty shook his head. “No, Lea. I can’t tell you anything.”

Seb pressed his thighs together, knowing he’d better ask. 

“Dusty.”

The nurse looked at him. “What’s up Sebastian?” 

Seb looked at him pleadingly. He didn’t want to say it in front of everyone! It was on his file. All the nurses knew. 

Dusty frowned a minute then realized the desperate wiggles for what they were. “Oh! You gotta go pee?”

Seb’s face turned red but he nodded slightly. 

Lea smirked but didn’t laugh. Toby did and got a stern frown from Dusty.   
Dusty wasn’t nearly as easy to talk around as Mike was. He didn’t hold with Lea’s snide remarks and sarcasm or Toby’s rude words.

Dusty hailed another nurse. “I gotta take Sebastian out for a minute. Can you keep an eye on these guys?”

The nurse nodded and Sebastian gratefully got up. He had to squeeze his thighs together to stem the sudden, strong urge. He hurried after Dusty, already feeling hot spurts escaping. “No no no!” He whispered, trying to run and hold at the same time.   


He wasn’t going to make it! They were only a few steps from the bathroom when his bladder spasmed and he bent over, clutching desperately at his crotch. it was no use. He was peeing now, wetting his diaper. He stood up straight, eyes closed. Fuck!! 

Dusty unlocked the bathroom door and then noted Sebastian’s face. “Oh oh. Too late?” 

Seb pouted, his lower lip quivering. “Yeah! It’s too late!” He felt tears prick his eyelids and one actually escaped. He slashed it away.

Dusty took him to his room to change. “It’s okay buddy. Your bladder is a little weak, huh?”

“Why?” Sebastian whined. 

“Probably your diazepam. That and the cocktail of other drugs you’re on to try and help your depression and anxiety.”

Seb got distracted from his problems by the closed door to room 402. He stared at it as they passed by. “Who’s in there?” He asked as Dusty led him into his room. 

“It’s not public information,” Dusty said, closing the door. “On the bed.” He grabbed a fresh diaper from the bag that had materialized in his room. “What is it with you nosy Nellies?” 

Seb have a short laugh. “Did Lea ask questions when I was brought in?”  


“Of course she did,” Dusty said, snapping a pair of gloves on.  


Sebastian suddenly noticed the bag, staring  at it. “Why’s there a whole bag? Who put a whole bag in my room? I don’t need them! I don’t want them!!” His voice was loud with anxiety. 

Dusty sighed. “Bud, until further notice, we’ve been told to keep you in diapers. You’re having some bladder problems. You just confirmed that for me.”

Sebastian stamped his foot. “No!! No thank you!” His voice climbed with his anxiety. 

Dusty didn’t say anything so Sebastian stomped his foot again. “I’m not wearing diapers!”

Mike heard his tantrum from next door and entered. “What’s going on?”

Dusty waited patiently. “He doesn’t want to wear diapers. But he just wet himself.”

Mike patted Seb’s shoulder. “Diapers are better than peeing your pants, aren’t they?” 

Sebastian stopped stomping his feet. “Guess so,” he mumbled. “Still don’t wanna.” He gave Mike a sad look. 

“I know.” Mike sympathized, patting his shoulder. “They’re gonna change your meds. It might help.”

“Mike,” Michelle said urgently from the hallway. “Need your help. TJ is being difficult again.”

“TJ?” Seb asked, distracted. “Which TJ?”  


Dusty stripped his pants off without answering.   


“TJ Warren?” Seb asked with a grin. “TJ Miller?” When Dusty shook his head, Sebastian tried again. “ TJ Hammond?” 

Dusty sighed. “Yes TJ Hammond is in 402 but keep that information to yourself tonight. He’s gonna attract even more attention than you did.”

Seb nodded, floored that he’d actually guessed right. He lay still so Dusty could change him, his mind on the new patient. “How’d they manage to get TJ in here unannounced?” 

“He OD’d and he was in the hospital for two nights. His brother set it up to bring him here.” Dusty finished changing the wet diaper. “All done.”

Seb frowned. TJ Hammond, son of Bud and Elaine Hammond, former president and First Lady! He’d heard through the grapevine that Thomas had drug abuse issues. He felt sorry for the guy. It wasn’t easy being in the public eye all the time. He would know! 

Sebastian pulled his pants into place and Dusty followed him back out towards the dining hall to finish his dinner. 

He almost walked directly into TJ’s twin brother Douglas as he was emerging from room 402. 

“Sorry,” Seb said, stopping with his arms out to stop the collision. 

Douglas caught himself, grabbing Sebastian’s arm to regain his balance, then glanced at him. “It’s okay. Sorry. I wasn’t watching. My brother just....” He motioned to the room and smiled a little. “Hey! Are you an actor?”

Seb nodded a little, then glanced into the room when there was an angry cry.

TJ was laying in the bed, looking pale. He had an oxygen tube in his nose. He was awake but looked tired. Michelle tossed a used diaper in the garbage and Mike was finishing up tucking him in again. 

Douglas sighed heavily and turned back. “TJ, stop. You gotta let them do their stuff to help you.”

“Dougie,” TJ said weakly, pushing at Mike’s hands. “Don’t leave.” His voice broke. 

Douglas went back to the bed and took his brother’s hand. “Tommy, I gotta go. The paps are going to figure out where we are. We can’t do that. Mom needs you to be good.”

TJ thrashed when Michelle got the needle out to administer more medication. 

Sebastian felt awkwardly rooted to the spot, because Dusty went in to help them for a moment. 

TJ looked scared. “No needles! No no!” He tried to roll away but Mike and Dusty restrained him.   


“TJ!” Douglas’ voice was commanding. “Stop it!”

TJ stopped struggling but burst into tears. “Okay. I’ll behave.  But, can you tell Nana I’m here? I wanna see Nana.” Tears still fell from his eyes and he sniffled.

Douglas nodded. “I will. Get some rest.” 

Douglas left and Sebastian was trying not to look too interested. He’d seen TJ on tv when his parents would be campaigning or giving electoral speeches. What would it have been like, growing up in the White House? The fishbowl. It was bad enough to be an actor. He couldn’t imagine what being TJ Hammond would be like.

Dusty came back to him. “Okay, bud. Let’s go finish eating.”

“Wait,” TJ said, seeing Sebastian. “You’re that actor, right? The marvel actor?”

Seb smiled a little. “I play the winter soldier. You watched it?” 

TJ nodded. “Yeah. I needed something to distract me. Bucky was totally relatable. I feel like he got me.”

Seb dropped his gaze. “Maybe a little too relatable? I royally screwed up.”

TJ shrugged. “I’m here too. I get it, man.” 

Sebastian met his gaze again. For the first time he didn’t feel so alone. “I have to go finish my dinner. I’ll talk to you later?” 

TJ looked sad for a moment. “I’d like that. I’m pretty short on friends.” 

Seb nodded. “Give me thirty minutes. I’ll be back.” He quickly hurried to the dining room and slid into his seat, downing his food with gusto. 

“Where’s the fire?” Chase asked, watching him. “Slow down!” 

Lea was watching him closely. “What happened while you were out there?”

Seb shrugged. “Nothing.” He finished the last bite of vegetables and took his plate to the dirty dishes tub. “Dusty, may I go?”

Mike had returned now and nodded before Dusty did. “You have permission. Michelle is there.”

Seb escaped the questioning looks from his table mates and hurried back to TJs room. 

TJ was sitting up now, his face still pale. Michelle was feeding him some sort of easy to digest stuff. 

Sebastian closed the door behind him. “You get the fun dinner,” he grinned. 

TJ rolled his eyes slightly, letting Michelle spoon more mush into his mouth. “Yeah. So how long have you been here?”

Sebastian sat on the bed when TJ patted the spot beside him. “Almost a week. Downey Jr caught me doing blow during filming.”

TJ looked sympathetic. “That fucking sucks!”

Sebastian nodded. “Yeah. It did. Your brother put you in here?”

TJ sighed. “Yeah. But I need to be here. I didn’t OD on purpose. I was just having a really bad day. Not trying to off myself.” His words were partially mumbled as he twisted his hands together.

Seb patted his shoulder. “No judgement here, buddy. I get it.”

TJ gave him a shy smile. “I’m glad you’re here too. Maybe I can finally stick it out.”

Sebastian agreed. “Yeah. Me too.”


	5. It’s For Your Own Good

That night, Sebastian got ready for bed, his mind still full of questions about the boy next door. He felt an immediate connection with the other man, sympathy for a celebrity who was having trouble.

Mike came in with a small pack of wipes and a syringe of meds.

Seb’s withdrawal was finally manageable without having a drip every four hours. He was just getting his anxiety meds and antidepressants in the morning and evening along with a low dose anti nausea agent because he was still throwing up at intervals. His stomach was complaining but not too badly.

Sebastian held out his arm. “Mike, can I have underwear again tomorrow? Please?!” 

Mike held his arm steady, wiped it with antiseptic and then pushed the plunger on the needle. “You’re still on the diazepam, bud. We’ll see. You think you can stay dry for a few hours?” 

Seb frowned, wanting to say yes but not altogether certain he could. “Can I try? I don’t wanna wear diapers anymore. I’m not a baby. How much longer do I have to take that? And I have to go to set on Saturday! What if they see?”

Mike looked sympathetic. “No one thinks you’re a baby.”

“Lea would,” he growled. 

“Lea has her own difficulties.” Mike answered. “Now, lets get some pajamas on.”

Sebastian allowed himself to be undressed and slipped into the fresh pajama shirt.

“You know,” Mike said gently, “TJ is in diapers too. The overdose did a number on him. He’s gonna have to come back from that.”

Sebastian chewed his lip for a moment. “So maybe we can help each other? Is that what you’re saying?”

Mike nodded. “Yeah. He was asking Michelle if you guys can hang out tomorrow.”

Seb smiled. “I’d like that.”

Mike unfolded the pants and then paused, glancing at his diaper. “How wet are you?”

Sebastian blushed and shrugged. “Not bad. Dusty just changed me during dinner.”

Mike gave him the pants then patted his shoulder. “Alright. You know you can call the night nurse if you need a change during the night.”

Seb nodded as he crawled under his blanket. “I know. G’night Mike.”

“Good night, bud.” Mike tucked the blanket around his patient’s shoulders then left the room. 

He could hear noise in 402 again. TJ wasn’t settling down. 

Michelle looked up as he entered. “I need your help.”

Mike looked at their newest patient. “What’s wrong, TJ?” 

The young man squirmed and whined, curling into the fetal position. “Everything hurts!”

“Michelle wants to give you a drip.” Mike reasoned.

“I already did,” she corrected. “He won’t drink his water.”

Mike sat on the bed, pulling TJ into a sitting position next to him. “You’ll feel better soon. But you gotta drink, buddy.”

“It tastes like crap!” He pushed away. “Lemme go!”

Mike restrained him as gently as possible. “I’ll help you.” He took the bottle of vitamin water. 

TJ tried to squirm out of his grasp again. “No!” He turned his face away so Mike couldn’t grab his chin.

“Buddy, c’mon!” Michelle pleaded. 

Mike finally got ahold of his chin and held him firmly, bringing the bottle to his lips. 

TJ spit the first mouthful down his shirt and Mike’s arm. 

Mike sighed. “Buddy, Sebastian had to drink this too. He still does.”

TJ stopped struggling. “He does?”

Michelle nodded. “So be a good boy and drink this for me.” 

TJ allowed Mike to put the bottle to his lip and he drank slowly, shuddering at the taste. 

He choked when one gulp was too big. 

Michelle rubbed his back until his coughing fit was over. “You okay?” 

“No! No more water.”

“Little more,” Mike smiled, lifting the bottle again.

Once it was gone, Mike let him go. “Thanks bud. Good job.” 

TJ shivered slightly, giving Michelle a guilty glance.

“Cold?” she asked. 

He shook his head. “Wet.”

Mike changed him again, taking time to put diaper cream on. “Let’s put pajamas on.”

TJ shook his head. “I want to see Sebastian!”

Mike sighed a little, getting the T-shirt over his head. “Tomorrow.” He picked up his limp arms and put them in the sleeves then tucked him in. “Bedtime. Tomorrow you and Sebastian can hang out.”

TJ smiled a little now, his eyes heavy from the meds and the sedative. “I wanna introduce him to Nana too. She’s gonna come visit. Dougie said so.”

Mike stroked his hair gently. “I’m sure she will, bud.” 

Once TJ’s breathing evened out, Mike quietly left the room with Michelle. 

“You think Margaret Barrish will actually come?” She asked softly. The older Barrish woman wasn’t known for being very sympathetic. Some might even say she was a cynical old bat. 

Mike shrugged. He really hoped the old lady would come visit her grandson. He needed her. 


	6. Oh Brother

TJ woke up, groggy from the sleep medication. The ghost of his nightmare made him shudder. “Dougie?” His voice sounded small in the dark room. 

He remembered suddenly that his twin wasn’t here. He wasn’t at home. Tears pricked at his eyelids. “Dougie, I need you,” he whispered, wishing Douglas could hear him.

Feeling anxious and upset, he blinked back his tears. “Sebastian,” he said suddenly, his face brightening. He impatiently pulled the oxygen tube off and pushed it aside. Sliding out of bed, his bare feet slapping softly on the floor, he hurried across his room. He was not feeling well and had one goal. This wasn’t his first stint with rehab. He’d just never had someone he could count on before besides his brother. Now he had Sebastian! 

He opened the door to his room and softly tiptoed out. The cool air hit his bare legs and he shivered. He wasn’t sure why he was only wearing a shirt and a diaper, having forgotten his tantrum in the evening. 

The hallway was empty and dim with only the nightlights on. He scooted quickly to 404 and pushed open the door. “Sebastian?” He said softly, his voice wobbly. “Can I sleep with you? I had a bad dream.”

Sebastian sat halfway up, blinking sleepily. Who the hell was up at this hour? He slowly recognized the dark silhouette in the doorway. “Oh uh. Hi TJ. Yeah, c’mon buddy.”

TJ climbed into bed and turned his back to Sebastian, cuddling into him. “Dougie isn’t here. He always made my bad dreams go away. Is it okay if we cuddle?”

Seb smiled in the dark. “Yeah TJ. It’s fine. Go back to sleep.” He gently rubbed TJ’s side until the younger man relaxed. He closed his eyes again, pulling TJ close. He knew what it was like to have nightmares.

“Dougie is my brother,” TJ said softly. 

“You’re lucky,” Sebastian answered. “I don’t have any siblings.”

TJ was quiet a long while before he sleepily mumbled, “You can be my adopted brother. I like you.”

Seb felt his heart melt into a mushy puddle. He'd never had a brother to count on. Was this what it would’ve felt like? A protectiveness for TJ washed over him before he drifted off again. “Thanks, TJ,” he whispered, laying a soft kiss on the crown of his head.

Sebastian slowly came awake several hours later, blinking in the morning light. He felt a peaceful happiness at the warm body still tucked tightly against his. The soft little snores from TJ were relaxing. He had quite honestly expected TJ to be gone when he woke up. 

He put his arms around the other man, snuggling him close. He was aware that TJ was gay. He remembered him coming out on national television. Poor guy had just been a kid. 

It didn’t bother Sebastian at all. He thought sometimes that he might be gay too. He’d never really explored it. He was definitely enjoying the cuddles.   


Thomas’ hair curled riotously on top of his head where it was longer. It was cut shorter on the side of his head, probably always perfectly coiffed in public. 

TJ squirmed and stretched, opening his eyes. “Morning.”

“Good morning.” Seb sat up. “You managed to fall asleep again.”

TJ nodded, hiccuped  then grimaced. “Fuck. I need a trash can!”

Seb hurriedly got the trash can and gave it to TJ, swallowing hard as he vomited. His own stomach clenched. The morning nausea was always the worst!

His own stomach was trying to heave now. He panicked and looked around. There was a replacement trash bag on his nightstand and he grabbed it, retching violently. 

“Sorry,” TJ croaked, gagging again.

Sebastian grabbed two tissues and they wiped their faces and watery eyes once they were able to breathe. “It’s okay. I’ve been puking every fucking day so I know how it is.” He sat down and put an arm around TJ. “You wanna tell me about your bad dream?”

Before TJ could say anything, the door was pushed open and Mike, Michelle and Dusty hurried in, looking panicked. They breathed a collective sigh of relief.

“TJ! You can’t just leave your room without telling someone!” Mike admonished.

TJ looked at them, wide eyed. “Dougie wasn’t here and I had a bad dream.”

Michelle sighed. Douglas had mentioned that TJ tended to wander, especially after a bad dream, always wanting to seek comfort.

Dusty breathed out slowly, regaining his calm. “Glad you’re safe buddy. We’d be in deep crap if we lost you.”

TJ giggled, making Sebastian titter too. “Losing me would be pretty hard with all the fucking security here. Believe me. I’ve dealt with security guards since I was eight years old. They are like leeches.”

Seb nodded in agreement. “Have you ever lost someone?”

The three nurses looked at each other. “Let’s get you guys changed for breakfast,” Mike said, changing the subject.

“Who’d you lose?” TJ pushed, looking delighted with the discovery.

“Was it that Levi guy?” Sebastian asked with sudden understanding.

“C’mon TJ,” Michelle said briskly. “Back to your room.”

TJ shared a look with Sebastian. Bingo! He followed Michelle out of the room. “Who’s Levi?”

Sebastian looked at Mike. “Who exactly was Levi Jones?”

Mike looked up at the ceiling for a minute, probably praying for patience, Sebastian thought.

“Levi was a young actor on a tv show. I don’t remember which one. It was about eight years ago. He was only nineteen when his manager brought him in. He was a heroin addict. Our security at the time was one guard and a secretary at the front door.  We hadn’t had a celebrity up to that point. We didn’t even think about getting heavier security. The rehab centre had only been open a couple of years. I was brand new too.”

He paused in his story telling to pat Seb’s hip. “Lift.” 

Sebastian lifted his hips so that Mike could slide a dry diaper under him. “What happened?”

“Levi’s withdrawal was awful. He had hallucinations and accused us of trying to hurt him all the time. We hated looking after him. He was violent and aggressive. One day, it was my turn to take him outside for his half hour of fresh air.

He told me he didn’t need to be restrained. He’d behave. We’d been putting a harness type thing on him so we could hold onto him. 

Being new, I believed him and let him go out. We were sitting on the bench and he freaked out suddenly. Knocked me down hard and took off running.

I yelled for help but nobody heard me. Gary, the guard at the time and Sally were inside. Levi disappeared that day. We were never sued or charged with negligence because he had signed a liability waiver but after that, we got more security, divided the centre into separate wings to make it easier to keep track of patients and started wearing comms at all times.” He tapped his ear. “We never wanted a repeat.”

Sebastian was serious now, feeling sad for Mike. “That musta majorly sucked! Did you ever find him?”

“I almost lost my job.” Mike frowned, deep in thought. “No. They never found him. To this day I often wonder what happened to him. He must be out there somewhere.”

Seb pulled fresh socks on when Mike gave them to him. “Thanks for sharing it with me. I’m sorry I’ve been difficult.”

Mike smiled. “Buddy, it’s okay. It’s what rehab is all about. I learned a lot very quickly from Levi Jones. I’m a lot smarter now.”

Seb grinned. “Can I have breakfast now?”

Mike nodded. “Let’s get TJ and I’ll take you guys down.”

TJ was just finishing his vitamin water when Mike opened his door. “Ready for breakfast? Sebastian would like to walk to the dining room with you.”

TJ slid off the bed, pulling his pants on. “Yeah!” He grinned at Seb. “Let’s go!”

Sebastian paused. “The others at our table might make fun of you.” He scowled a little.

TJ frowned. “For what? Being gay?”

Seb shook his head. “No. For being a public figure in rehab.”

TJ rolled his eyes. “I’m so friggin sick of people getting on my case about it.”

Seb nodded. “Me too. But with two of us, maybe Lea will lay off.”

“Who’s Lea?” TJ asked.

“Only the most annoying junkie in here!” Sebastian burst out.

TJ snickered. “Is it that girl across the hall?”

Seb nodded. “She’s so-“

Mike lay a gentle restraining hand on his bicep. “Be nice.”

Sebastian stopped his rant. “Anyway. Yeah.”

TJ laughed. “Alright. Thanks for the heads up. Let’s go! I’m starving!


	7. Nana Says It’s Okay

When Sebastian and TJ entered the dining room, Lea’s eyes widened and Chase wolf whistled.

“TJ Hammond,” Toby grinned. “Obviously you two have met.” He poked Chase. “Poor Chasey is outta luck!”

TJ narrowed his eyes. “Shut up.”

“Are you guys an item now?” Lea asked with a snide smirk.

TJ gave Sebastian a slow eye roll. “You weren’t kidding.”

“Chase has a crush on you,” Toby laughed, elbowing Chase again.

TJ sighed deeply and glanced at the now blushing addict across the table. “Sorry. No thanks.”

Sebastian almost laughed at TJ’s blatant words. He was definitely more outspoken than his brother.

Chase was quiet after that, glancing longingly at TJ every few minutes.

Mike delivered their breakfast, and pulled up a chair, aware of how awkward things could be with a new person. Especially one of TJ’s stature.

Sebastian ate his oatmeal, feeling a good amount of vengeful pleasure when even Lea didn’t dare to make fun of TJ.

TJ nudged Seb’s shoulder and grinned.

Sebastian felt warmth curling in his belly. He didn’t have many close friends. He leaned over close to TJs ear and said “Thanks for being here! They won’t make fun of me now.”

TJ slanted his eyes at their table mates. “They better not.”

Lea watched them, her usual flamboyant sarcasm missing in the face of TJ’s obvious dismissal.

He was talking quietly to Sebastian, giggling at a story of his twin being a goof. Seb laughed at the story.

After breakfast, Michelle came to take TJ to his room to give him his drip and change him if necessary.

“I want Sebby to come with me,” he complained immediately.

“Sebastian has his own room, buddy. He’s gotta get his own meds.” She patted TJ’s back.

“I want him in my room!” TJ argued. “He helps me feel better!”

Michelle rolled her eyes a little. “Sebastian, do you want to come to TJ’s room and sit with him?”

Seb smiled. “Yeah.”

“You need your meds too.” She gave up on trying to convince TJ otherwise. She stopped at the locked cabinet to get what she needed.

“Not the water today,” Sebastian whined. “That stuff is disgusting!”

“Gross!” TJ agreed.

Michelle didn’t answer. “Okay you two. Into TJ’s room.”

TJ sat on his bed, suddenly swallowing hard. “I’m gonna hurl!” He grimaced.

Michelle quickly handed him the trash can.

Seb sympathetically patted his shoulder. He remembered what it was like for him, not so many days ago.

When TJ was done, he lay back, face pale and sweaty.

Michelle put his oxygen tube on and washed his arm, before putting the IV in.

TJ pouted at the pinch. “Damn! That hurts!”

“Sorry, sweetheart,” she apologized, monitoring the drip to make sure it was running right. Once she was satisfied, she got Sebastian’s meds and drew it up into the syringe. “Arm.”

He held it out, wincing at the poke. “How much longer do I have to have these meds?”

Michelle put a small bandaid on his arm. “The Doctor comes on Monday. He can evaluate your medication.”

“What are you on?” TJ asked.

Seb shrugged. “Diazepam, mirtazipene and one other one I think.”

Michelle nodded. “Olanzipine.”

TJ laughed a little. “A cocktail. I’m on the diazepam too.”

Seb sighed. “That’s what causes...this.” He patted his diaper gently.

TJ nodded. “It’s caused by ODing too. I did a real number on myself. Taking the meds isn’t helping!”

“It sucks,” Seb agreed.

Michelle gave both of them a bottle of Activate vitamin water.

TJ scrunched up his nose. Sebastian giggled a little. “It’s gross.”

“I’m glad I’m not alone in this,” TJ said, his hand brushing Sebastian’s fingers.

Seb met his gaze shyly. He put his hand over TJ’s. “Me too.”

Together, they downed the water as quickly as possible. Sebastian grimaced when his bladder emptied with hardly any warning. He wondered how the hell he was going to get back to normal!

TJ howled when Michelle pulled the IV out. “Owww!”

“Shh,” Michelle soothed. “You’re okay.”

His lower lip quivered and his eyes filled with tears. “I want Dougie.”

Michelle smiled at him. “Maybe Douglas will come visit. Can I check your diaper with Sebastian in here?”

He nodded. “Sebby has em too. I don’t care if he sees.”

She pulled TJ’s pants down slightly. “You need a change?”

He shrugged. “Probably.”

Seb moved to a chair so that TJ could lay down. He tried not to look when Michelle pulled the wet diaper off. His eyes were drawn to TJ’s body of their own volition, however. He quickly turned away when TJ grinned at him, not having missed the glance. His stomach fluttered slightly with something akin to attraction. Weird.

The boys meandered down to the tv room afterwards, talking about what being in the public eye was like.

Sebastian was shocked to see a reporter on tv talking about TJ.

“Sources have confirmed that TJ Hammond was released from hospital yesterday after a drug overdose and put into the custody of Grace Rehabilitation Centre to deal with his addiction issues. When questioned, Elaine Barrish maintained that her son had not overdosed but -“ He changed the channel. “That got out?”

TJ shrugged. “I knew it would. The news hounds are relentless. I just feel bad for my mom. She gets embarrassed.”

Seb frowned. “That would suck!”

“Yeah.” TJ grabbed a deck of cards off the coffee table. “Wanna play Go Fish?”

Sebastian smiled. “Sure.”

Later that morning, after several games and Mike taking them to the library, Douglas showed up.

“Dougie!” TJ cried, grasping his twin in a crushing hug. “You came back.”

Douglas glanced at Sebastian. “Yeah, of course. I wanted to make sure the reporters hadn’t actually gotten in here. There’s several hanging around outside.”

TJ sighed. “I’m such a fuck up.”

Doug pulled him close. “It’s okay. I talked to Nana.”

TJ pulled back. “Is she coming?”

Doug nodded. “Later today.” He looked his brother over. “Are they taking care of you?”

TJ ignored the question. “Dougie, this is Seb. He helped me get through a nightmare last night.”

Doug looked concerned. “Tommy, you can’t just go running to anyone!” He turned to Sebastian. “I’ll do anything to keep this under wraps. What do you want to stay quiet?”

For thirty seconds, Seb felt annoyed that Douglas would consider him a liability, but then, considering what he’d seen on tv, he understood. “I want to be TJ’s friend. I understand what crap the reporters put out. Half truth with added drama.”

Doug relaxed slightly. “I’ll allow you to be friends. TJ,” he turned back to his twin, “ONLY friends.”

TJ scowled. “Why?”

“Because the last thing mom and dad need is for another one of your relationships to get into the news.” His words were harsh but sincere.

TJ looked at the ceiling for awhile, crossing his arms over his chest, annoyance clear in his stance.

Sebastian felt extremely awkward, like he’d crossed a line which he hadn’t except maybe in his mind. Was he attracted to TJ?

Dusty showed up at that point, breaking the uncomfortable stand off. “Lunch time, boys. Hi Douglas. You want to join them?”

“Sure,” Doug smiled a little, with a last glance at TJ.

Toby and Chase looked at Douglas with some respect.

Lea started flirting with him.

Douglas ignored her until she brushed her fingers over his arm for the third time. “I have a fiancée,” he said bluntly.

Lea didn’t even have the grace to blush. “Anne Ogami is a cold fish!” She sneered.

Doug quirked an eyebrow slightly. “I’m here for my brother. That’s it.”

He moved to the other side of TJ so that Seb was on one side and he was on the other, away from Lea.

Mike was watching their table again. “Eat your lunch, Lea.”

TJ frowned at the bowl of potato bacon soup. “Not hungry.”

Sebastian nodded. “It’s hard to eat when you feel sick.”

Douglas sighed. “Don’t encourage him. Here TJ.” He lifted a spoonful of soup. “Open your mouth.”

TJ shook his head. “Yuck.”

“TJ.” Mike’s voice was firm now. “You’ve gotta eat at least a little.”

The older Hammond twin made a decidedly rude noise before opening his mouth.

Doug continued to spoon soup into his mouth. “That’s a good boy, Tommy.”

TJ turned away after several bites. “No more. I’m gonna puke.”

Seb glanced at him. “You okay?”

TJ looked at him, eyes warm. “You’re the only one who understands!” His voice was soft.

Douglas tapped his shoulder. “Have a drink of water.”

TJ obediently drank his water, then put his head on Douglas’ shoulder. “‘M tired.”

Dusty came at Mike’s request and gave TJ permission to leave.

“Sebby too!” TJ whined.

Douglas huffed impatiently. “Thomas James Hammond. Stop whining!”

Sebastian pleaded wordlessly with Mike.

“You done eating?” Mike asked.

Seb nodded quickly.

“Okay. Go then.”

Sebastian hurried to follow TJ, Douglas and Dusty back to TJ’s room.

“Sebastian,” Dusty said. “You probably need a change, huh?”

Seb’s cheeks blushed red and he dropped his chin to his chest, refusing to meet Dusty’s eyes. He was thoroughly embarrassed by the question in front of Douglas Hammond.

“Dougie knows,” TJ said, putting an arm around Seb’s shoulders. “You don’t need to be embarrassed.”

Sebastian still couldn’t bring himself to look up but he nodded in understanding.

“I’ll take Sebastian to his room to change and then I’ll come give you your meds,” Dusty told TJ.

Once his door was closed, Sebastian relaxed a little.

Dusty patted his back. “Sorry, buddy. I didn’t mean to humiliate you.” He snapped on the gloves and got wipes and a fresh diaper. “Lay down for me.”

Once he was changed, Seb had kind of gotten over his anxiety. He accompanied Dusty back to TJ’s room to find Douglas was changing his brother.

“He needed a fresh diaper,” Douglas said evenly, finishing up.

“Thank you,” Dusty smiled. “I’m gonna let you boys yak for a few minutes while I get TJ’s drip started.”

TJ whimpered at the IV going in. “Hurts!”

“I know, bud.” Dusty held his arm still. “Don’t push. Okay?”

Doug held his brother’s other hand. “Look at me, TJ.”

Once the drip was started, Dusty left the room. “Behave,” he reminded them.

They hadn’t visited long when Margaret Barrish walked in, a bouquet of flowers and a fluffy teddy bear in her arms. “TJ.” She looked her grandson over carefully. “You little shit.”

TJ grinned at her. “Hi Nana!!”

She put the bear in his arms and the flowers on the bedside table. “How are you?”

TJ shrugged. “It’s rehab. But I have a friend this time! Sebastian.” He motioned to the actor.

Margaret’s keen eyes studied Seb for a few moments. “Friend? Or go go boy?”

“Nana!” The twins chorused as once again Sebastian turned a deep shade of red.

“What?” She challenged. “He’s pretty enough.”

TJ tossed his head back and laughed. “Nana is very good at telling the truth.” He was still grinning as he looked at Seb, his blue eyes sparkling.

Sebastian felt a disquieting excitement in his gut. What did TJ mean? Telling himself not to read to much into it, he settled back. “She is, huh?” He let a slow smile spread over his face. “I think I played a go go boy once.” He shifted his hips slightly, and almost laughed when TJ didn’t miss the suggestive innuendo.

“Figures,” Nana smiled. “You hear that, TJ?”

“Dougie says I can’t be more than friends,” TJ said, an exaggerated pout on his face. Margaret quirked an eyebrow at her other grandson. “Dougie did, eh? Well, Nana says you get Sebastian where you want him, if you both feel that way.”

Douglas rolled his eyes and smacked his forehead. “Good going, Nana. What about the reporters?”

“Let me handle them.” Margaret said. “TJ needs to worry about getting better and if Sebastian helps, that’s what matters.”

Douglas shook his head in disagreement but said nothing further. Sebastian sat very quiet, wondering what had just conspired. Had he...Had TJ just kind of made a move on him?! Had he suggested that it was something he wanted? Actually, he did want it. At least when it was TJ. He shyly looked at TJ and couldn’t stop the smile at the little wink TJ gave him. A wink that promised a conversation later. Seb found that he was looking forward to it.


	8. Shoot For The Stars

Sebastian didn’t want to go to bed that night. He and TJ had talked long after Nana and Doug had gone, getting to know each other. 

He was kind of high on adrenaline because TJ had kissed his cheek before Dusty whisked him off to his room. 

The other reason why Seb didn’t want the day to end was because tomorrow was  _Saturday_ ! And Saturday was going to be his first day back on set after getting caught in the act a week ago. 

Anxiety writhed in his stomach, creating nausea and tension. What would everyone say? He’d messed up a lot of things but this was bigger than all his faux pas combined he was pretty sure! 

Dusty interrupted his mental ass kicking. “Hey buddy, lets get you ready for bed.” He got a dry diaper from the bag. “How’s your nausea?”

Seb shrugged. “It’s okay.” The anti nausea made him so groggy. He didn’t want to be out of it tomorrow. 

“You want the gravol?”

Sebastian shook his head. 

Dusty left it out, drawing his other meds into the syringe. “Arm.”

Once meds were done and he was dry, Sebastian lay in his bed, going over every possible scenario for tomorrow instead of sleeping. His mind jumped to TJ. His friend had been sad when he said he’d be gone most of the next day. 

He wondered momentarily if he could bring TJ but shook his head. Not a good idea, considering that 

a) Mike would say no. He wouldn’t have time to supervise both of them.

b) as far as he knew, his cast mates all thought he was straight. 

That settled in his head, Seb tried to relax enough to fall asleep.His brain stayed stubbornly half anxious and it made for a bad night. 

Short nights were something he’d gotten accustomed to during filming. However, he was more tired than he wanted to let on. When he woke up to his alarm he groaned. So much for not being groggy! He was also nauseous this morning. He guessed he should’ve taken the gravol last night. Damn.

Mike had him up and getting changed before he hardly knew what was going on.

He groaned a little. “Mike, no diaper!” He pleaded. “I don’t want people seeing!” 

Mike looked sympathetic but shook his head. “You don’t wanna be peeing your pants on set, bud.”

Sebastian blushed a deep red at that thought. No, that would definitely be worse. His nausea settled a bit after brushing his teeth. The anxiety wasn’t helping!

He declined breakfast other than half a piece of toast. It was all he could manage. He slipped on his hoodie then followed Mike out the front door to wait.The early morning chill made him shiver a bit. 

Seeing the empty winding driveway reminded him of Levi Jones again. “You really think Levi Jones is still alive?”

Mike looked at him then shrugged. “I hope so. He needed help bad.”

“Does it still make you sad that you couldn’t help him?”

Mike thought about that a moment. “I try not to dwell on it. I’m hoping someday we can find him. I let it make me a better nurse.”

The car showed up and the conversation stopped.

Seb bribed the driver to take them through Starbucks. The drive thru line was ridiculous, but half an hour later he had his favourite coffee in hand. 

He walked into the studio with Mike, feeling only a smidgen less anxious. He knew that several cast members, including Mackie, would be there today as they were filming some new stuff and reshooting some of the other scenes. 

Downey and Evans were standing close to the door chatting. He saw some of the other winter soldier actors practicing some fighting moves with the trainer.Maybe he could just slip in....

“Sebastian!” Chris cried, enveloping him in a warm hug. “We’ve missed you! Are you feeling better?” 

Downey tossed him a small smile. 

Seb nodded. “Yeah. Thanks!” 

Mike shook Chris’ hand. “I’m Mike. I’m Sebastian’s nurse.”   
  


Chris nodded. “Chris Evans! Glad you brought Seb back today! Is he better?”

“That flu is nasty,” Robert said softly, giving Sebastian an unreadable look. 

Mike paused a second then nodded. “The Russos asked me to come and keep an eye on him.”

Seb frowned a moment. Flu? Is that what Downey had told the cast?

Joe Russo beckoned the two of them over. “Is he good to go a full day?” He asked as though Seb was invisible. 

Sebastian sighed and pushed the feeling away enjoying his coffee instead. 

Mike smiled a little. “Let’s start with this morning. He’s gonna start training next week in the weight room to get his stamina back up. The drugs are mostly out of his system but  the withdrawal is gonna become harder to deal with. He’s already started feeling the anxiety and such. Unfortunately it’s probably going to become worse before it gets better.”

Joe sighed softly. “Okay. We’ll do as much of his scenes as we can right away. We’re going o start with the fight sequence in Siberia, and we’re going to start work on the scene where Zemo triggers Bucky as well. We need to reshoot a few parts. You feel up to that? We have the stuntman ready.”

Sebastian nodded. He was whisked into the dressing room where three people were waiting to help him. Sebastian gagged a little from the sudden panic attack. The crew was going to see his diaper!! He’d hoped to avoid this. He frantically swallowed but felt the pressure on the back of his tongue. 

Mike stood close by observing. “How ya feeling, bud?” He hadn’t missed the desperate swallow. 

Seb shook his head quickly and ran to the bathroom, knowing he couldn’t hold it back any longer. 

Mike followed and kept a calming hand on his shoulder as he puked. “I shoulda given you the anti nausea this morning.” 

Seb washed his face. “I’m just more anxious than anything,” he said, wiping his eyes. 

Mike nodded. “I know. Breathe.”

He took a few moments to breathe in and out with Mike and then they headed back out to the dressing room. 

Sebastian didn’t want to blurt out that he was terrified of the crew seeing his diaper but that was causing him a lot of grief. He felt like he might cry. He felt so unstable. 

“You okay?” The costume tech asked, eyeing him. They were used to actors being in all kinds of moods. 

“Um-“ Seb didn’t have a chance to speak further as his clothes were removed by the costume director.  


He saw the young tech give a second glance at his apparel and then put the underwear away.He blushed deeply as she handed him the folded pants.“Here.” 

He slipped into the winter soldier pants that he was wearing in the scene and then three other people came in to help him put “the arm” on. He cringed a little at the lube. It was cold! The arm was put on and then the under shirt and Kevlar vest. His hair was fussed with a little and then he was rushed off to makeup. 

He set his coffee down on the small table beside his chair. It fell over when his hand jerked with a tremor. He grabbed at it and sighed, glad it hadn’t spilled on his clothes. This was NOT helping him relax! His anxiety ramped up again. As they put on the makeup to make him look good for the camera, he watched Mike take in the atmosphere. He looked excited to be here. 

Anthony Russo put Sebastian on set and motioned them to begin. 

The scene didn’t start well. One of the other actors got hurt right off when someone landed an accidental punch and they had to start over. Sebastian tripped the second time trying to stride across the stage and they had to restart. Again. He swallowed back the emotion and self loathing that immediately pressed at his mind.   


Then as he was directed to do his first part, he suddenly forgot his instructions and stopped moving when he wet himself, face flushing bright red. 

“Cut,” Joe called from the director’s chair. “Sebastian, we’ve been over this part. Do you need a refresher?” 

Anthony was still close to the set and raised an eyebrow, noticing the flush on the actor’s cheeks. “You good? Need water?” 

Mike watched him closely. Sebastian was still tiring easily. 

Seb nodded quickly, more to stop everyone staring at him than anything. He guzzled half the water and then continued, getting through the scene this time. 

Mike was waiting for him when he came off set. “You okay, buddy?” 

Seb sighed and nodded. “Yeah.” He didn’t want to tell Mike he’d been right.   


He watched the scene between Mackie and Chris when they reshot it.  He was glad he didn’t have to retake the fight scene. He definitely wasn’t up to snuff today.

The morning went faster than he thought it would. The caterers set up lunch and a break was called. 

Robert pulled Sebastian aside. “Hang in there. It’ll get easier.”

Seb smiled a little. “Thanks. Did you tell everyone I had the flu?” 

Downey shrugged. “I didn’t think it needed to be public knowledge. It might come out yet with your babysitter being around, but they won’t hear it from me.”

Seb grabbed some lunch and slid onto one of the plastic chairs. 

Evans and Downey both sat down at his table bringing him out of his thoughts. When Mackie also joined them, the laughter started. 

Seb had missed his buddy. He caught a few questioning looks Mackie tossed his way. He gave him what he hoped was a reassuring grin. 

After lunch, the tall black guy pulled him aside. “Hey Sebas. Why didn’t you answer any of my texts or calls? I’ve been real worried about you.”

Sebastian felt the familiar anxiety crest. Anthony was one of his best friends. “They... they took my phone away,” he said softly. “I wasn’t allowed to make any calls except to family.” He dropped his gaze, toeing a scuff mark nervously.

Mackie’s confused frown didn’t escape him. “You couldn’t call from the hospital?” 

“I wasn’t...” Seb whispered.

  
Mackie’s face suddenly cleared with understanding. “You’re in rehab? Who caught you?” He whispered, probing Sebastian with a direct gaze.

Seb chewed his lip. “Downey did. Last Saturday.” He dared to meet his friend’s gaze. “How’d you know?”

“We’ve been friends a couple years, Seb. I knew you were doing blow but I wasn’t about to rat you out. I knew you needed help. Unfortunately, I didn’t know what to do.  I valued your friendship too much but I wish I’d done something to help. You feeling better now?” 

“Getting there,” Sebastian said. “I think it’s gonna be awhile yet.”

Mackie squeezed his shoulder. “Hang in there, buddy.”

Feeling loved was Seb’s undoing. He felt tears sting his eyes and quickly headed to the washroom.

Mike followed and closed the door behind them. “Is it too much for you?” 

Sebastian tried to answer but instead a strangled sob escaped. “I-“ He tried to breathe. The tears came anyway. “I just miss my friends,” he got out between sobs. 

Mike patted his back and let him have his cry, getting out the change bag. 

Seb regained his composure and sniffled before blowing his nose. “I don’t wanna change.”

“You should though,” Mike said gently. “You’re pretty wet.”

Sebastian lay down so that Mike could get him changed. “When can I go back to using the bathroom?” He asked with a wavering sigh. 

“I think from what Michelle was saying, you and TJ are both going to start retraining after tomorrow. The doctor’s gonnamakesure you’re ready. We thought if you and TJ work at it together that maybe it’ll be easier.” 

Seb nodded, pulling his pants back into place. He washed his face with cold water and took some deep grounding breaths.“I’m ready to go back out.” 

The rest of the day was spent in the familiar chaos of filming and laughter and retakes. 

Sebastian was exhausted by six when he could finally leave. He fell asleep on the drive back to the rehab centre. 

Mike had to wake him and he felt disoriented. “Where’s Anthony?” 

Mike smiled a little. “Anthony went back to his place. You’re at rehab.”

He yawned, feeling a stab of sadness at not being with his buddies. Then he remembered TJ! He perked up, following  Mike inside where he was taken for dinner. 

The whole dining room was full of patients finishing their meal and he didn’t feel able to cope until TJ jumped up and ran to him, hugging tightly. “I missed you!” He looked up at Seb with tears in his eyes. “It has been a hell long day!”

Sebastian felt his own tears threatening again. “I missed you too.” He must be overtired. He didn’t usually cry at everything. 

TJ tucked his hand into Seb’s under the table for a moment and smiled at him. 

Sebastian felt a warm happiness creep in and calm him. Sitting beside TJ at the table was nice. He tucked into his plateful with a healthy appetite. 

Lea watched him for a minute. “Sebastian, Chase said you’re a Marvel actor. Is that true?”

Seb looked at her warily. “Yeah. Why?”

“Have you met Chris Evans?” She asked excitedly. 

He wasn’t sure wether to be offended at her assumption that he didn’t have a part next to Evans, or that he wasn’t important enough. “We’re friends,” he said. Let her stew on that.

Lea stared at him with a starstruck expression. “You are? You’ve actually....worked with him??”

Seb shrugged. “Yeah.”

TJ grinned. “You’ll have to introduce me to him sometime!”

Lea clearly wanted to ask more questions but Mike stopped her. “Let him eat. You need to go to your room now. You can talk to Sebastian later.”

  
TJ was allowed to stay and sit with Seb while he ate, waiting impatiently for him to be done. “I wanna show you something! Dougie brought it today!”

Sebastian finished and they leftthe dining room. Dusty took the two of them to wing four. 

“You boys need a shower.Grab your shower packs.”

“After our shower,” TJ promised. 

Seb nodded. He hurried to his own room and grabbed the plastic bag that included a towel, cloth, soap and shampoo. He wondered momentarily what Douglas had brought. 

Feeling lighter, he skipped out of his room and waited for TJ. He had a great friend here. He was looking forward to the rest of his time at rehab. He also felt better about filming. Nobody hated him. Mackie understood. Things were finally looking up. 


End file.
